Confused (Part 2)

If you read part one of this 3 part series then you now that I need guy advice. I would have put all of them together but each one is a long story to it. Also if you read the first part then you would know about the first guy. Now onto the second guy. 

 

The second guy I have known him and been best friends with him for 6 years now. We were in the 7th grade and he was in my class. I was actually taken out of my class where all my friends were so I was thrown into a class where I didn't know anyone. I ended up sitting next to him in class and out of everyone in that school he was actually the first person to talk to me and welcome me to the school. After that we just connected with each other. He knew I had a boyfriend and he was cool about it because he had a girlfriend too. Then one day at lunch time I was hanging out with my boyfriend and he came along ended up telling me that he dumped his girlfriend on her birthday then told me to smell the bottle that he had with him. He was drinking alcohol at school. He ended up finding out that me and my boyfriend had broken up so one day on the bus. Me and him use to take the same bus to school and home. Well my ex so happened to be on the bus to and he came up to my ex and asked me if I would date one of his friends and I asked who but he wouldn't tell me. Then things got complicated after that because my friend was always asking me out and he wouldn't stop then whenever he got into a relationship. It was weird. I don't know why but it was just weird. He would act weird. One day he was telling me that he loves me, I'm his everything and promising that he's not like the rest of my ex's but then whenever he got into a relationship it would always be with one of my friends. Then he would tell me that he doesn't love me anymore and he would stop talking to me until the relationships ended and he would be right back saying that he never loved them and that he was trying to get over me because I was still on and off with my boyfriend. I was still in love with my ex boyfriend. He cared about me, he was there for me when I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me, he was there for me when a few of my family members passed away, he offered to bring me soup when I was sick, he would walk me home at night time, he would tell me everyday how much he loves me and how I'm the one. He supports my dreams and believes in me more than anyone. Just me talking to him makes me smile. When he says he loves me it makes me smile, when he says he misses me it makes me smile, when he supports me it makes me smile, when he believes in me it makes me smile, when he says he just wants me to be happy makes me smile, when he's around I can't help but laugh and smile. I go and talk to him about anything. Actually the weird part is he ended up dating a best friend of mine who is no longer my bestfriend and this hit me hard that relationship. I don't know why but my friend was saying that he uses the same lines on every girl, she was really unhappy in the relationship. She was saying he wasn't paying attention to her, he wouldn't talk to her, didn't want to hang out with her and it had gotten to the point where she made me write a letter to him about how she felt. She ended up calling me saying that I made her boyfriend blush because I said that he was the only person that understood me because he was at the time. We were both in bad stages of our lifes. After I wrote the letter it helped them but later on she wanted to dump him because she was seeing another guy but then she got a phone call saying that her boyfriend tried committing suicide and she said that she couldn't break up with him after that. When she told me that my heart actually stopped, I was frozen I couldn't move, but I ended up telling her to shut up and walked out, I ended up calling my mom and I told her and my voice cracked I was about to cry because I couldn't picture what my life would be like without him in it because he has been apart of my life for so long. But the whole time they were together I was hoping they wouldn't work out. The down fall to that is he drinks. My dad was an alcoholic in high school, my grandma was an alcoholic, my two of my uncles are alcoholics. One passed away because oh alcohol. My family has a history of being or becoming an alcoholic. I drink but I can control it. Yeah I drank like whiskey, a beer, 3 broken down golf clubs, and lemon but I wasn't drunk and I wasn't even buzzed. Then the next day I had probably some lemon and a sip of my mom's broken down golf club. But I haven't touched alcohol until two days before school started. The next time I might have a drink is at Christmas time, New Years Eve, my birthday, graduation trip, prom and probably before I leave for university as a going away party. It kind of scares me because he drinks more than I do. I don't know how much I can drink and I don't know how much he can drink. When I found out that he drinks I was scared of what if we did end up getting together. I was scared what if he became an alcoholic? What's he like when he's drunk? I don't know. Something else to is he's into drugs which my family has a history of too. My whole family besides my sisters smoke. My grandma has smoked, sniffed glue, did weed and a few other ones too. My dad he smokes and he did weed in high school. My auntie smokes, she did weed and a few others, my uncle smokes and does weed. My mom smokes and basically tried every drug there is besides a few which she said she will never do. I've smoked but that's something else I can control. My friend forced a smoke into my mouth when i was in the 10th grade and then her other friend forced a different type of smoke into my mouth and they did that the whole time until their smokes were gone, then I stopped smoking for a month then had another smoke, then I stopped for 5 months and then would have a smoke. It's been a year and 7 months since I had a smoke. I don't smoke anymore and I've never done drugs besides smoking. He has had a criminal record since he was 9. I don't know what he was been charged for which also scares me and got me to thinking to if we did get to together. When is he going to get charged or be locked up in jail? What if we ended up having kids? I can't bail him out of jail all the time and I would have to worry all the time about him being sent to jail. Like I will have student loans to pay off, food, shelter, transportation, and if we have kids we would need clothes, diapers, bottles and everything that a kid needs and stuff we will need for the house. I would also be the only one working and providing for the family if we ever had a family because once you have a criminal record you will have a hard time finding a job trust me. I don't have a criminal record and I'm having a hard time finding a job. He'll have a harder time and he might never be able to work so it will only be my paycheck that goes towards everything and then by the time everything is paid I might not even have enough money to even go out with a few friends or take him out on a date or do something fun with the kids. He also has a habit of wanting to die but now he's stopped that but what if he starts doing it again I can't handle that. Also I won't be able to buy alcohol for him whenever he wants some alcohol and I can't give him or loan him money to support his drug habit. Me and him actually was hanging out and he said that he never wants to get married or have kids just like me. Then he came over to my house and I threw a pillow at him because he said something that was kind of mean and he ended up calling me abusive and that he doesn't want to marry me anymore. Then one time he actually told me that he would be my prom date and that he would come to my house in a suit with a limo, a bouquet of flowers and that one of them will have an engagment ring. I will only be 19 just finishing high school and not even in my first year of university and he'll be 18 and just finishing high school and he won't even be in his first year of college or university. I will be to soon for that and it's too soon now to even think about that. Me and him dated for 6 days and I was happy but yet not happy at the same time. He hardly talked and when he did there was nothing to talk about, we would try to hangout but whenever I picked the day he was working then when he picked the day I was busy at school so we hardly hung out. Something else to is he was moving to fast in the relationship. He said I love you, he said he was going to go out to get a ring and at that time we hadn't even been dating for an hour. Something that haunts me to this day. Yeah I have feelings for him and I might always have feelings for him but I'd rather let him go rather than stay with him. One time he actually said he would follow me and I don't want that. I want him to live his life to the fullest like I want to, I want him to chase his dreams. I don't want to feel like I was the reason he never went after his dream because there is a chance where he might hate me later on in life. Something else I just remembered well two things. One time he yelled at me and blocked me on facebook because we had a disagreement about something. Then there was after we had dated for 6 days. My friend told gim that she loved him and all he said is "I can't I have a girlfriend" What does that even mean? It was like he was in shock and that was all he could say. It was like a way of not saying I love and letting her down easy but what if he didn't have a girlfriend what he would say I love you back. Then when me and him broke up he went and told my friend he needed to get laid and that he would like to please her in everyway. The next day after him saying that he started fighting with me and ended up blocking me then he told me that he was crying after I broke up with him and that he was drunk. How is me and him suppose to have a relationship when he won't communicate? Like when we have a disagreement he yells at me and blocks me he won't be able to do that if we ever lived together what he'll just walk out and not come back until he's cooled down? What if we get into a fight and he ends up drinking what's stopping him from cheating? He flirted with my friend right after we had just broken up. That's nothing thing. I lived in a house with my parents and they yelled at each other everyday now their separated and heading for a divorce. I don't want to be in that type of relationship. It was like he'd rather walk away then stick it out and fight it and actually communicate to me about what he feels and what he wants. I want to be with someone that I can communicate with. 

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