MY BIG NEWS!!!!!

I have two big news. 1) I have a boyfriend 2) I had my first kiss finally.

 

I think this might be just me or if you guys agree just comment below but I find that if you friends with a person first it helps with the relationship.

 

Me and my boyfriend were friends for about 4-6 years. Me and him met in the 7th grade and I had just transfered to a new school with a few friends and my ex boyfriend who I was dating at the time also transfered there. About maybe 2 weeks into the school year a few kids were pulled out of classrooms because there was to many students so we needed another class so it was I believe a 7/8 class. Well my boyfriend that I am dating now was in that class. I didn't know anyone and I ended up I guess sitting next to him and he introduced himself to me. He was the first person I met and became friends with. The problem was he would ask me out no matter what. He always had the worse timing to ask me out because whenever he was single I was in a relationship and then when I was single he would be in a relationship. Then I would start going to this after school program which he ended up also going to. After the 7th grade things changed. We kind of lose contact with each other somewhat but not like fully because we would run into each other at the after school program or at the swimming pool during the summertime and then whenever he was on facebook we would talk but like we never hung out after the 7th grade unless it was at the swimming pool. 9th grade came things changed a lot more. He had switched schools, he was hardly on facebook, we hardly talked, we weren't going to the after school program anymore but like maybe if we were lucky he would come over to my place like once a month so I would only get to see if I'm lucky 12 times that year. 10th grade comes and something changed. We started talking on facebook again a lot, hanging out, and sometimes we would talk on the phone. When I mean something changed I mean something changed and I don't know what it was. He was dating a friend of mine and she was like a sister to me and she wanted to dump him because she liked someone else but then she got a call I think from his mother saying that he tried killing himself. I was eating lunch and having fun then she comes into the cafe and told me that he tried killing himself. I was shocked, scared, worried and it had gotten to the point where I couldn't speak, I had trouble breathing, I wanted to cry, I felt sick to my stomach, I isolated my friends the rest of the day, and when I told my mom about what happened and my voice cracked and I felt like I was going to cry at that point. That whole day I thought about what my life would have been like if he had died or if we never met. The problem was I couldn't think or image my life without him in it because me and him were so close. He was like a brother to me. Then the summertime came. I hadn't talked to him in a while or seen him in a while but there was this program going on and me, my friend, and him all got in but I didn't know he did or even applied to the program. I didn't notice what I was doing but my friend did. Me, my friend and him went down stairs to the cafe to grab something to eat and when he left my friend said that I was flirting with him but I was like No. Then I realized that I was probably flirting but not realizing it. A few days went by and me, him were hanging out a lot more and because of that me and my friend didn't hang out much. He ended up asking me out near the end of the program but I wasn't sure if I wanted to so I said No but then he got depressed badly where he didn't want to be in the world. It wasn't because I rejected him it was because he was going through a lot. But then it brought me back to the first time I heard that and I ended up realizing that I liked him so I ended up saying Yes later but then it got hard with Summer school, him working, homework, getting ready for my G1 test, and then my grandma being in the hospital so we broke up after 6 days of dating. Then grade 11 started up, I started flirting with another guy sexually I guess you would call it like that, my ex would pop up whenever I had a guy over or after a guy left. But I started to spend more time with my boyfriend who I am dating now after we had broken up we saw a lot more of each other. Now I'm in my last year of high school and a week and 4 days ago my sister started dating someone and turns out the person knows my boyfriend. So my sisters boyfriend ended up would getting him to come over and one day he tricked me which was 2 days ago. I was watching a movie while he was over and I was tickling him and I didn't notice he had a hold of my wrist and he ended up pulling me down and kissing me and I pulled back fast because I wasn't expecting it. Then yesterday he asked me what his answer was to dating him and I said yes. Yesterday when we first started dating it wasn't weird like it was before when we first dated. I was more comforable to sit with him, tease him, kiss him, sit on him, lay on him, and hold his hand in front of my family and my friends. I even changed my facebook status and with none of my other relationships I had changed my status because they weren't into facebook status changes or they just didn't have facebook. I'm not shy to burb, fart, talk dirty or to show off my body because me and him had been friends for such a long time but I also think that the fact me and him are both 18 we are more ready for a serious relationship unlike before. The thought of a promise ring doesn't scare me, the thought of being or getting engaged doesn't scare me anymore, the thought of getting married doesn't scare me anymore, and the thought of actually being in a serious relationship doesn't scare me. Then today my auntie which isn't actually my auntie but she said something that made me realize something she said "Your husband should be your best friend because then you guys can talk about personal stuff" and I realized that I'm dating a guy best friend of mine and then I did a test a few years ago and it said that I would find my true love in my hometown. Something actually happened today and I asked my friend if she ever felt like that and if it was weird. He was suppose to come over today but he didn't and I was really tired so I layed down and the whole time I was laying down I felt like he was actually there with me but not physically there with me and I don't know why, I get nervous to kiss him or even think about kissing him and I don't know why. But whenever he's here I smile and laugh a lot. Please explain why I felt like he was with me when he wasn't physically there with me and why I'm so nervous to kiss him or even think about kissing him.

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